Monday, December 7, 2015

How To Make a Girl's Night Pinata

Everyone needs a chance to blow off steam. Some people go to the gym. Some people  organize their sock drawer. Some people beat defenseless pinatas. The following is a step-by-step guide to enjoying your own adult pinata.

 Go to your shed, garage, or basement, and find the pinata you've been hoarding for 20 years. Tell him, "Today you die." Feel bad and give him a hug.

Go to the liquor store and buy some mini bottles of booze. Make sure they are plastic and not glass. Do not fill your pinata with broken glass shards.

Purchase some candy. Don't be a prude and buy candy you hate, so that you won't eat it. Woman up and get your favorite candy. Get ready to stuff your fat face!

This is why $1 aisles were created. Yes, Target made their $1 aisle specifically for pinata stuffing. Get some girl stuff: perfume and lip gloss.

 Stuff the pinata's butt full of goodies.

Serious Baby does not approve.

Find some string, a tree, and a weapon. That is three steps, so take your time, or reread instructions if needed. If you can't find a bat, I suggest a tennis racket, a tire iron, or an umbrella. Basically, open your trunk and you'll find something.

When your pinata finally explodes, scream and throw your body on top of the goodies. Wrestle your friends for Butterfingers.

The aftermath. If you do it right, your pinata won't be the only one feeling like crap the next morning.