Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Inappropriate Exercise Attire

                                         Photo owned by Cornell University Library, no known date

That's me on the front row right, wearing bloomers and stockings, trying to break a sweat. Sometime last week, last month, a point in the distant past, I remembered I had a gym membership. I was driving around in my car on my lunch break, aimlessly, when I recalled the tasty smoothies and sandwiches they make at the gym. So the idea started with the possibility of food, and then was followed by the thought that I should probably workout if I was in the building, not just use the gym as a restaurant. 

I arrived wearing jeans, sandals, and a long sleeved shirt. I was ready for my smoothie. I was greeted by an employee I'd never met, who quickly informed me that, 

"We don't make smoothies anymore. Or sandwiches." 

At this point I could have turned around and hauled ass to Sonic, but I was too lazy to go back out into the heat. 

"We sell Monster Energy drinks now, everyone LOVES them. You should try one."

This sounded like something that would give me a headache and cause vomiting. 


I marched off to the treadmill with my large aluminum can of energy, noticing an angry bodybuilder crushing his empty can against his head. 

My inappropriate attire didn't hamper my efforts, I never broke a sweat, but I was moving. I read an entire Cappers magazine, while sipping my drink, learning all I'll ever need to know about rutabagas and chicken coups.

I returned to work feeling like this guy: 

Georg Lurich (1876-1920), an Estonian Greco-Roman wrestler and strongman  of the early 20th century. (Source: Flickr Commons project, 2009)