Saturday, March 26, 2016

Bobo Hits Up Happy Hour

We've been trying to sell our house for 5,000 years. Each time we have a showing I spend hours cleaning, trying to make the place presentable. The children and the cats are no help. Five minutes before the potential buyers are supposed to arrive I run to the car holding said cats and children.

I decided, early on, that it was easier to stay in the car for the 20 minutes it takes someone to love or hate your house. That's how I ended up at Sonic, multiple times, ordering drinks with the cats and children. And, how I officially became the town's WEIRD CAT LADY. I documented one of Bobo's first trips to Sonic.

Bobo hadn't been out of the house in 35 years. She hadn't been in the car for 201 years. She hadn't been to Sonic ever. She wanted a cheeseburger and some onion rings. And a Coney Dog. And a XL-Ocean Water Slush.


She wanted to rule the world. And try some Jalapeno Poppers.


"That lady and her cat are so creepy. I'll give you a $1.00 if you take their order out to them."
"No way, dude."

The End

Monday, December 7, 2015

How To Make a Girl's Night Pinata


Everyone needs a chance to blow off steam. Some people go to the gym. Some people  organize their sock drawer. Some people beat defenseless pinatas. The following is a step-by-step guide to enjoying your own adult pinata.

 Go to your shed, garage, or basement, and find the pinata you've been hoarding for 20 years. Tell him, "Today you die." Feel bad and give him a hug.

Go to the liquor store and buy some mini bottles of booze. Make sure they are plastic and not glass. Do not fill your pinata with broken glass shards.

Purchase some candy. Don't be a prude and buy candy you hate, so that you won't eat it. Woman up and get your favorite candy. Get ready to stuff your fat face!

This is why $1 aisles were created. Yes, Target made their $1 aisle specifically for pinata stuffing. Get some girl stuff: perfume and lip gloss.

 
 Stuff the pinata's butt full of goodies.

Serious Baby does not approve.


Find some string, a tree, and a weapon. That is three steps, so take your time, or reread instructions if needed. If you can't find a bat, I suggest a tennis racket, a tire iron, or an umbrella. Basically, open your trunk and you'll find something.

When your pinata finally explodes, scream and throw your body on top of the goodies. Wrestle your friends for Butterfingers.

The aftermath. If you do it right, your pinata won't be the only one feeling like crap the next morning.







Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Attack of the 3-Legged-Cat

Posted originally on Live Like A Cat Day

We set up our Christmas tree, and our Nativity scene, complete with toy store, a downed polar bear, a train, and a blanket of fake snow.


Biscuits has never jumped onto this table. She doesn't jump much, since she is shaped like a tripod. But, there has never been a blanket of fake snow on the table.

Biscuits thinks about the real meaning of Christmas.

She contemplates stealing the baby Jesus out of his manger. No Biscuits! Don't do it!

She decides to lay down on a railroad car instead.
Biscuits settles in for the long, cold, bone shattering, winter. Secure in the knowledge that she is queen of her own village.


Get off my lawn.


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Iceland Part 1

I got on a plane and flew to Iceland, alone, in October. On the seven hour journey there I sat next to a woman who kept changing her clothes: shirts, socks, shoes. On the return flight home, five days later, there she was again, one row behind me, getting undressed. I have a feeling she spent her entire vacation adding and removing layers of clothing.

The majority of Icelanders believe in elves. This gnome was preachin' outside a church near Vik. Almost every small town has a picturesque chapel.

The Blue Lagoon, a geothermal spa, was the reason I originally wanted to come to Iceland. It didn't disappoint. The milky silica water is just the right temperature, and the swim up bar, and in-water massages, are wonderful.

Tuborg is the local brew, and a welcome sight after realizing that my credit card, phone, and electronics were all not working upon arriving in Reykjavik. Why didn't I think that I might need a European adapter for my laptop? Duh.

The Northern Lights over Selfoss, Iceland. This was an awesome display, and I'm now a Northern Lights addict. I'm ready to travel the world in search of the best and brightest. I may have accidentally eaten one bite of a horse burger shortly after this photo was taken.

Oh, hello horses. Icelanders do enjoy eating horse...and sharks...and puffins. Once you get out of the city, there are lots of horses, and sheep, and....hopefully no one ate these guys.

Houses in Reykjavik. I spent a lot of time driving around the country, and not enough time exploring all the wonderful neighborhoods, shops, bars, and restaurants in town. Next time.

The view from Reykjavik's tallest building, the Lutheran Church.

It was fascinating to see strollers lined up outside cafes. Babies slept bundled and cozy while their parents enjoyed coffee and lunch.
Rainbow waterfall selfie.

Black sand beach at Vik.

My attempt at fancy dining. I only ordered soup, because $$$$$$$, but it came with a full basket of bread, which I gorged on and later regretted. Gluten overload.

Seljalandsfoss waterfall.

The best brewery tour ever. Did we even go into the brewery? I don't remember. Beer was outlawed in Iceland until 1989. They are currently making up for it.